Elveira Elkins

No, I do not care about your new shoes. I also don't care that you woke up on time. I care just as little that you had fried eggs for breakfast. I'd rather drive a quill through my eyeball than hear once more about how well you masturbated this morning. For the love of Circe, if you can't just put me out of my misery first, have the mercy to use a silencing charm if you are going to babble all day about fucking minutia. I'm sure it would be the best charm ever cast.

Of course, just paying for the damn pepper-up potion and getting out so I can finish my draught of peace before it boils over would be the most preferred course of action.

They are sex toys. BIG DEAL. Get over it. It's enough to make me want to parade around their noisy little group with handcuffs or something from the shop. It's not like the little bastards aren't going to find out about this stuff anyway.

When people say 'clearly' something, I've determined that this means there's a huge crack in their argument and they know things aren't clear at all. As in 'Clearly, I'm a valuable customer and you must have some Draught of Peace set aside somewhere.'

Those pipes. Woke me up at 7am. And they've just persisted since then. If I hear one more pipe I am going out there, wrenching the infernal instrument out of the damn Offender's hand, and beating him over the head until the pipe is too bent to make any sort of noise and the piper is too concussed to recall how to do anything other than submit to gravity and crumple to the ground. I imagine when I'm done the pipe will bear a close resemblance to a pretzel. It seems to have stopped but just in case there were any pipers considering an encore, I don't believe in vague disclaimers.

( Character Sheet )